Coffee, Love, and Pop Culture
by cherryredchucks
Summary: LiteratiJavaJunkie. My own episodes of Gilmore Girls. Pop cultural references and romance abound!
1. Big Heads

A/N: okay, this is my very first Gilmore Girls fan fic! Please review and let me know If the dialogue is good and whether I should keep going! Thanks!  
  
DISCLAIMER: insert a witty and biting remark about disclaimers: here.  
  
~*The GILMORE HOUSE living room. The aluminum tree is still in the corner, but the lights have all been taken down. Boxes of decorations lie haphazardly around the room. A tape of Christmas songs plays softly in the background. LORELAI comes in singing loudly. RORY is seated on the couch, reading.~*  
  
LORELAI: "And the Partridge Family in a pear tree!!!!! Rory! Rory! Sweet daughter of mine, light of my life, and scapegoat whenever I do something illegal! The time for coffee is upon us, dear heart-OW!" (Lorelai falls and disappears from sight)  
  
RORY: (without looking up) Mom, look out for the lights.  
  
LORELAI: Such warnings as that are usually more effective BEFORE the accident. Now, more importantly, coffee.  
  
RORY: You have had two cups in the last ten minutes  
  
LORELAI: Blah, but that is our HOME coffee, Not LUKE'S coffee. Luke's coffee is like super-coffee. If our coffee and Luke's coffee were ever to be in a celebrity death match sort of contest, Luke's coffee would just say 'HAH! Puny Gilmore home coffee! I shall beat you down!'. Of course, two coffees duking it out on national television would certainly be more entertaining than the people they put on there now. Anyway, then Carson Daly, or whoever the host is of such events would stand there open-mouthed in awe as Luke's coffee delivered a pile-driver into our home coffee."  
  
RORY: Carson Daly would stand there open-mouthed anyway. I doubt very much he'd have anything witty to say. Not that he usually does."  
  
LORELAI: He DOES have a rather large head, so there MUST be something going on up there. Although a large head is a rather good reason to be freaked out by someone.  
  
RORY: But Charlie Brown has one, and no one can NOT love Charlie Brown. Besides, Kirk's head isn't large, and we're still freaked out by him  
  
LORELAI: This is true. You know, Charlie Brown's head is completely disproportionate to his body. I think it's a wonder he doesn't topple over everyday.  
  
RORY: It's a good thing that Charlie Brown ISN'T real. (RORY returns to her book)  
  
LORELAI: What do you mean Charlie Brown's NOT REAL?  
  
::OPENING CREDITS::  
  
~*LUKE'S diner. LORELAI and RORY are seated at a table near the window. JESS is at the register while LUKE is serving another customer in the background. The sound of a baby crying is heard.*~  
  
LORELAI: (whispering) What is it about the holidays that makes people feel the need to bring their children out and dress them in odd holiday clothing?  
  
RORY: You mean like the silver reindeer antlers you make me wear every Christmas Eve while you wear your hot pink sequined Santa hat?  
  
LORELAI: No, I said odd. Our costumes are cute. Oh god, and some of those kids are just scary looking.  
  
RORY: Was I a scary baby?  
  
LORELAI: Please! You have my genes! You were the cutest baby ever.  
  
RORY: Would you still love me if I were ugly?  
  
LORELAI: Of course! Because then you would make me prettier by comparison.  
  
RORY: Good to know where I stand with you.  
  
LUKE: What do you girls want?  
  
LORELAI: A pony.  
  
LUKE: So you want a hamburger?  
  
LORELAI: -gasp- You serve pony burgers? You heartless man!  
  
LUKE: That's right, and if you think the pony burgers are bad, don't ask about the chicken.  
  
RORY: Two coffees and two cheeseburgers with fries, please.  
  
LUKE: Right, two death drinks and two pony burgers coming up. (LUKE leaves. RORY turns back to her mother)  
  
RORY: So you would hang out with me, even if I were hideously deformed or worse, looked like Joan Collins?  
  
LORELAI: I would hang out with you even if you looked like Joan Rivers!  
  
RORY: Yay! I feel loved!  
  
LOREALI: Besides, I'm legally bound to hang out with you.  
  
RORY: And the love is gone. (LANE bursts in the door.)  
  
LANE: Guess what!  
  
LORELAI: The ponies have revolted against Luke?  
  
LANE: No.  
  
RORY: The Clash has gotten back together and now they're coming to Star's Hollow?  
  
LANE: Seeing as the lead vocalist and guitarist, Joe Strummer, is dead, that might get a little creepy.  
  
LORELAI: Maybe they could get Taylor to fill in.  
  
RORY: I'd pay money to see Taylor belt out "Rock the Casbah"  
  
LANE: Wouldn't we all, but focus! The band.GOT A PAYING GIG!  
  
LORELAI: Woo hoo!!!  
  
LANE: Yes! So soon, I will have money!  
  
RORY: And you will be able to buy your own drums!  
  
LORELAI: And your own cheeseburgers.  
  
LANE: Yes, I will be able to afford my own cheeseburgers instead of stealing off of you.  
  
RORY: We can cancel our cheeseburger insurance policy.  
  
LORELAI: Sad. I really enjoyed Heinrich, our insurance man.  
  
LANE: And I can get my own drums, which will mean no more practicing in the music shop, and I can FINALLY turn the amps up past 3!  
  
LORELAI: Yeah ,you can be wild and go up to 4! (JESS comes over and places down their food. RORY averts her eyes and JESS focuses on the food. LORELAI and LANE watch and then roll their eyes simultaneously)  
  
LORELAI: (after Jess leaves) Wow!  
  
RORY: What?  
  
LORELAI: I don't think Crayola makes that color of red do you Lane?  
  
LANE: I think so; it's called 'You two are so annoying you make me sick'  
  
LORELAI: I thought that was more of a green.  
  
RORY: (sighs and shakes her head) You two are odd.  
  
LORELAI: But you got my pretty genes, so you must have gotten my weird genes.  
  
RORY: Because the two go hand in hand.  
  
LORELAI: Yes, like Laurel and Hardy, like J.Lo and the notorious dress made from a scarf and some well placed tape, like ..  
  
LANE: Luke and flannel?  
  
LORELAI: Good girl! You get a French fry!  
  
RORY: Anyway! I've got to go meet Dean. We might watch a movie.  
  
LORELAI: Remember! Just say 'no' to Glitter.  
  
RORY: Because Dean is ALWAYS trying to get me to watch that.  
  
LORELAI: You never know. The boy could be a closet Carey fan.  
  
LANE: I should be going too. Mom wants me to help her make celery loaf for the church bake sale.  
  
LORELAI: Aren't bake sales supposed to be with cookies and cakes?  
  
LANE: MamaKim.  
  
LORELAI: Oh, right. (Both girls leave. LORELAI walks towards the counter where JESS is working at the register)  
  
LORELAI: (stiffly, she hasn't quite decided whether she likes him or not) Jess.  
  
JESS: Ma'am.  
  
LOREALI: So..  
  
JESS: (with a wry smile) A needle pulling thread  
  
LORELAI: Ahh so the boy likes Julie Andrews.  
  
JESS: Not really. The idea of the hills being alive kinda creeps me out.  
  
LORELAI: Well based on what I hear playing from upstairs, you are not well acquainted with the sound of music, only the sound of a lot of noise.  
  
JESS: Thanks, Taylor! (JESS salutes LORELAI. LORELAI gives JESS a withering look and walks out of the diner. JESS smirks and runs his hand through his hair)  
  
LUKE: (calling from off camera) Jess! You wanna give me a hand here?  
  
JESS: If it's whether I want to or not, no.  
  
LUKE: Let me re-phrase. Jess get over here and help me!  
  
JESS: Where are you?  
  
LUKE: In the closet.  
  
JESS: Are you coming out? Because really, I'm not sure if Star's Hollow is ready for you.  
  
LUKE: (in a warning tone) Jess.  
  
JESS: Although I'm sure bag boy could lend you some fluffy pink high heels, but I'm not calling you Lulu. And I think Miss Patty would be sorely disappointed, but I bet Taylor wouldn't. And I'm not sure yet about Kirk but-  
  
LUKE: Jess! Get back here NOW!!  
  
::COMMERCIAL BREAK::  
  
~*Opens to DOOSE'S MARKET. DEAN and RORY are sitting on the bench outside. DEAN has his arm around RORY, while she reads a book. DEAN looks slightly frustrated*~  
  
DEAN: Do you want to go to the movies?  
  
RORY: It's a really nice day. It'd be a shame to spend it inside a movie theater.  
  
DEAN: So is this what we're going to do all day? Just sit around as I watch you read?  
  
RORY: You could get a book too. We could sit in the gazebo and read.  
  
DEAN: Exciting.  
  
RORY: (sighs impatiently and closes her book) Well I'm sorry if you're looking for Indiana Jones good times, but I'm not Harrison Ford. I just feel like reading outside today.  
  
DEAN: Well maybe I'd like to DO something instead of just sitting around and reading about doing something. I'm going home. I'll talk to you later. (DEAN gets up abruptly and walks off. RORY looks hurt but goes to the gazebo and sits down and resumes reading)  
  
JESS: Hi.  
  
RORY: Jess! You scared me half to death!!  
  
JESS: Funny, you said that to me about a week ago when I supposedly "snuck up on you". So does this mean I should be calling the morgue, seeing as I've scared you half to death twice?  
  
RORY: Do you remember everything I say?  
  
JESS: Yeah, this damn mind of mine is like a steel trap.  
  
RORY: A rusted one.  
  
JESS: Funny! That's funny stuff right there.  
  
RORY: Is there something you wanted or do you just get a kick out of seeing me jump?  
  
JESS: Yes, until you join the cheerleading squad this is the only way to fulfill my jumping fetish.  
  
RORY: Shouldn't you be with Shane?  
  
JESS: Detention.  
  
RORY: Why aren't you there?  
  
JESS: Because I'm the guy nominated for sainthood, remember?  
  
RORY: Jess.  
  
JESS: Nice to see you remember my name. (RORY huffs and goes back to reading)  
  
JESS: (sitting next to RORY) Hey, before you go all "ice woman" on me, I brought you coffee. If you're going to be insane and read OUTSIDE you might as well have something to warm you up.  
  
RORY: (takes the cup and smiles) I don't suppose you just happen to have a book with you so you can read with me, do you?  
  
JESS: Us boy scouts do have the motto of "Be prepared"  
  
RORY: I thought that was the Girl Scouts.  
  
JESS: Huh. No wonder they looked at me funny when I came to meetings. (RORY and JESS smile at each other before they go back to reading)  
  
~*INDEPENDENCE INN-LORELAI is behind the front desk with MICHEL to her right on the computer. The phone rings*~  
  
MICHEL: Independence Inn, Michel speaking..No, I'm sorry we're full. The third, no we're full. The seventh? No we're full. The-  
  
(LORELAI snatches the phone away from him. She sticks her tongue out at him before smiling into the receiver)  
  
LORELAI: I'm sorry sir, you'll have to excuse Michel. Yes, we do have a room available for the third. Yes, sir. Jones, with a J, got it (LORELAI rolls her eyes to herself). Okay Mr. Jones, you're all set. Thank you. (LORELAI hangs up the phone) Michel! How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?  
  
MICHEL: Don't stop now, you're almost to the World Record.  
  
LORELAI: Are you sure they didn't force you to leave France?  
  
MICHEL: You know, it is very ironic that while this is called the "Independence Inn" I am not free to get a weekend off.  
  
LORELAI: (with a cheesy smile) Hey, Independence Inn sounded better than Fascist Regime Hotel or Communist Inn. (LORELAI leaves and goes into the kitchen. SOOKIE is over-seeing her other chefs while they prepare dinner)  
  
LOREALI: Sooooookkkkiiiiieeeee! I need coffee.  
  
SOOKIE: So I can tell. There's a fresh pot in the back. GREGORY! I said peel the potatoes, not the tomatoes! (LORELAI pours two cups. She hands one to SOOKIE)  
  
LORELAI: I have a crisis.  
  
SOOKIE: So do I, my help is helpless.  
  
LORELAI: I think Rory is gonna break up with Dean.  
  
SOOKIE: Your crisis is better than my crisis. Spill. Wait, DEANNA! Not so much garlic! We want for the people to be able to stay in the same rooms with one another!  
  
LORELAI: The girl definitely has a thing for Jess. I know it. And I know that she's been in denial about making good with Dean and staying with him. God, I thought when spawn of Satan-  
  
SOOKIE: Tristan?  
  
LORELAI: Yeah, spawn of Satan, left for military school, we were in the home free. But then this Jess comes in and suddenly I'm seeing these looks going on between them. Like the ones that you make to Jackson or that Michel makes when you make his fat free cornbread stuff. Only, less drool.  
  
SOOKIE: Sweetie, she's growing up and moving on. Personally, I'm happy for her. I've seen those looks and you know what, he's giving them right back. He cares about her.  
  
LORELAI: It's just that a part of me hoped that this first love could last. I don't want Rory to be thirty-three years old and still looking for love. I wanted her to be like Donna Reed and get to live in a house with a white picket fence and have a dog named Fido or Rover and have kids named Dean Jr. and Lorelai the 4th or something. Not to fall for the bad boy and make my mistakes.  
  
SOOKIE: Is she PREGNANT?  
  
LORELAI: God no! But you know what I mean. I just hoped that this love would last.  
  
SOOKIE: It WILL last. It's her first love. Her first boyfriend. It'll always have a special place with her. But also, she needs to know her first REAL break-up. And you've got to be the supportive one to help her through. She doesn't need someone to tell her what her heart is saying is wrong. She needs someone to stand by her when she follows her heart.  
  
LORELAI: Thanks, Sook. I'll talk to you later.  
  
SOOKIE: Bye hun! (LORELAI walks out the door.)  
  
SOOKIE: (yelling off camera, from behind the kitchen door) Amelia! Do I have to show you how to stir properly again?  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~*The GILMORE HOUSE. RORY is on her bed reading. LORELAI comes in with two cups of coffee*~  
  
RORY: Hey mom  
  
LORELAI: Hello mini-me. What are you reading?  
  
RORY: A Passage To India  
  
LORELAI: How is it?  
  
RORY: It's basically "To Kill A Mockingbird" only in India  
  
LORELAI: You mean Atticus is actually Buddha?  
  
RORY: Something like that.  
  
LORELAI: As much as I would love to continue our discussion so I can be made well aware, yet again, of how much smarter my daughter is than I, we need to talk.  
  
RORY: Uh oh. No conversation in the history of the world has ever ended well when it began with the phrase "We need to talk".  
  
LORELAI: This is about the soap-opera like love triangle between you, Dean, and Jess. Now, sadly we do not get the perks of being on a soap opera so that I can tell Luke that my long lost evil twin Angelina Contessa Louise Francesca actually ate the last chocolate glazed doughnut, so we've got to deal with this bit of "Days Of Our Lives" thing.  
  
RORY: What love triangle? There's only a straight love line, between Dean and me.  
  
LORELAI: And you are so Roberto Benigni. Your nose just grew two inches, Pinnochio.  
  
RORY: Mom! I love Dean. Dean loves me. End of story.  
  
LORELAI: No, this is NOT the end of the story. Once upon a time, I saw you get all blushy and fidgety around a certain boy who worked at Doose's market. Now I see you getting all blushy and fidgety over diner boy. Now, either you're going through menopause or you've got a thing for Jess.  
  
RORY: What does it matter? You'd never let me date him anyway!  
  
LORELAI: Rory, did I not say the same thing about Dean? While I am not saying for you to disregard everything I say, I do remember using the phrase "That evil evil boy will never set foot near my striking daughter again or I will punch him into the middle of next week and then kick his ass again on Thursday."  
  
RORY: You never said that to me.  
  
LORELAI: Well then obviously the inner voice was saying that, but that's not the point. While I do not trust Jess all that much, I do trust your judgment. And while I am not saying that I will make sure all of my contemptuous stares do not fall on him, I do promise that I will make an effort. You know, IF you decided to date Jess.  
  
RORY: Thanks mom. But I don't want to hurt Dean.  
  
LORELAI: To lose a Gilmore girl is painful no matter what the circumstances. I mean, we simply project an aura of beauty and kindness. A radiance of intelligence, wit and compassion. A delicate balance of aesthetic beauty with inner-  
  
RORY: Moving past the self-ego mobile.  
  
LORELAI: Right. The point is, you'll be hurting Dean even more if you lead him on. And after the break-up, I'll be there. Because I know that there will be a break-up because if there's one great thing about you Rory, it's that you follow your heart. Breaking up is a part of growing up. It's like the big zit on the face of romance.  
  
RORY: A lovely visual.  
  
LORELAI: Anyway, the point is, I trust you Rory. And I want you to be happy.  
  
RORY: I love you, mom.  
  
LORELAI: I love you too babe. (they hug)  
  
~*DEAN'S house. RORY is on the roof outside his bedroom. She knocks softly and DEAN comes to the window*~  
  
DEAN: Rory! What are you doing out here?  
  
RORY: Uh. Avon Lady calling?  
  
DEAN: Seriously.  
  
RORY: I was reading "Pollyanna" and got inspired?  
  
DEAN: Do I have to pull out Webster's so I can show you the definition for the word "seriously"?  
  
RORY: Dean, we need to talk.  
  
DEAN: Why do I have a feeling that I should invite you in, because this is going to take a while? (RORY climbs in the window. DEAN sits on his bed while RORY begins to pace back and forth)  
  
RORY: Dean, I am going to love you forever. You were my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first love. But things change and we've grown apart so much and-  
  
DEAN: You're breaking up with me?  
  
RORY: God Dean, I don't want to hurt you. I wish that there were some way that I could make sure that this didn't hurt you in any way but I can't. And this is hurting me too.  
  
DEAN: You're breaking up with me.  
  
RORY: (almost pleading) You will always have a very special place in my heart. And I will always love you. But not in the way that I know you love me.  
  
DEAN: Rory.  
  
RORY: (she stops pacing and looks at DEAN who is looking at his shoes) Yes?  
  
DEAN: (quietly) When?  
  
RORY: When what?  
  
DEAN: (DEAN looks RORY in the eye) When did your heart stop loving me and start loving Jess?  
  
RORY: Dean, I-  
  
DEAN: There's no sense in you denying it. I've known it for a while. You're right that we were growing apart. I don't read half the books you read and you don't like most of my music or movies. But I want to know. When?  
  
RORY: I don't know.  
  
DEAN: I can't say that I will be your friend. Because I don't know if I will for sure. But I can say this, I'm not mad. It's funny, I've known it and tried to tell myself I was wrong. And it's like my heart just got numb. And now, this weight and numbness is gone. To hear you say it. To hear you say these words which have been replayed over and over and over in my head. But it doesn't hurt any less, even after I've been expecting it. I know you don't mean to hurt me. You're Rory Gilmore. You wouldn't hurt anyone. But you have hurt me. And you will hurt other people. No matter how hard you try not to. But I will always love you.  
  
RORY: I love you too Dean, I should go. (RORY climbs out the window. DEAN watches her go)  
  
DEAN: (whispering) Out of the window and out of my life. ("There She Goes" by The La's is softly playing as the camera fades out)  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~*LANE and RORY are walking down the streets towards LUKE'S. The wind is blowing and both girls are chatting. "Golden Year" by David Bowie is playing*~  
  
LANE: So, you broke up with Dean.  
  
RORY: Yep.  
  
LANE: How'd it feel?  
  
RORY: You know how you felt when Henry broke up with you?  
  
LANE: Repressed memory. But yes.  
  
RORY: Just like that.  
  
LANE: Ewww. I feel for you.  
  
RORY: Yes, but time for a happy subject. Dave. You know, the boy you're so obviously in love with. (RORY playfully nudges LANE in the ribs, who has a gigantic grin on her face)  
  
LANE: I know. It's just that I really really like him. And he's such a great musician. But I don't want to break up the band. I mean, what if we were to date and then break-up and then he couldn't even stand the sight of me-  
  
RORY: Or you the sight of him?  
  
LANE: Yeah, like that'd ever happen. The point is, it'd be like the Velvet Underground with Nico.  
  
RORY: Are you saying that you do LSD and sleep with Andy Warhol?  
  
LANE: MamaKim.  
  
RORY: Right, so much for that idea. (LANE and RORY reach LUKE'S and go inside. JESS is at the counter working but he watches RORY as she sits down with LANE)  
  
LANE: So anyway, I'm sorry about you and Dean breaking up. (JESS smiles slightly)  
  
RORY: Uhh a little louder Lane, I don't think some people in Korea heard you.  
  
LANE: Why should it matter how loud I talk? This is Star's Hollow. If something happens, we find out. That's why you never see a Lifetime original movie set here with some sort of housewife who secretly murders her husband or something. THERE ARE NO SECRETS.  
  
RORY: True. Anyway, go order us coffees.  
  
LANE: Can't. Band time. I'll see you later though. Bye! (LANE exits. JESS comes to RORY'S table and puts a mug of coffee in front of her. RORY looks up at him. JESS smiles) ::La la la lala la la. la la lala la.la la::  
  
::ENDING CREDITS:: 


	2. The Stooges

RORY VOICE OVER: Previously on Gilmore Girls:  
  
LORELAI: I think Rory is gonna break up with Dean. SOOKIE: Sweetie, she's growing up and moving on. Personally, I'm happy for her. I've seen those looks and you know what, he's giving them right back. He cares about her. SOOKIE: She doesn't need someone to tell her what her heart is saying is wrong. She needs someone to stand by her when she follows her heart.  
  
LORELAI: While I do not trust Jess all that much, I do trust your judgment. And while I am not saying that I will end all of my contemptuous looks from falling on him, I do promise that I will make an effort. You know, IF you decided to date Jess. RORY: Thanks mom. But I don't want to hurt Dean. LORELAI: You'll be hurting Dean even more if you lead him on. And after the break-up, I'll be there. Because I know that there will be a break-up because if there's one great thing about you Rory, it's that you follow your heart.  
  
DEAN: You're breaking up with me. RORY: I love you Dean. I should go. DEAN: (whispering) Out of the window and out of my life.  
  
SCENE with RORY and JESS smiling at each other in the DINER  
  
~*GILMORE HOUSE- Lorelai is sipping a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. "Daria" by Cake is playing in the background)  
  
RORY: Mom! Coffee!  
  
LORELAI: What's the matter? You haven't gotten your Jess fix for the day?  
  
RORY: Do not make me resort to throwing stuff at you!  
  
LORELAI: -gasp- A cruel girl with violent tendencies when anyone gets in the way between her and her coffee? I have raised you well!  
  
RORY: You have also raised me to be a coffee addict, living day to day not knowing where my next hit will come from.  
  
LORELAI: Now you sound like Iggy Pop.  
  
RORY: Didn't I tell you? I'm dropping out of Chilton and I'm going on tour with the Asheton brothers to reunite the Stooges.  
  
LOREALI: If there is going to be any Stooges reuniting, it should at least be the three stooges.  
  
RORY: Seeing as key members from the Three Stooges are dead, and Iggy Pop is in re-hab, then we may have to settle simply for getting Luke's coffee.  
  
LORELAI: Good enough. (RORY and LORELAI get their coats and leave)  
  
::OPENING CREDITS::  
  
~* LUKE'S DINER*~  
  
LORELAI: Beam up some coffee, Scotty! Mr. Spock! Two gorgeous life forms are in your diner and require assistance in the caffeine refueling! (LUKE comes out of the back quickly, sighs and starts to turn around to go back to the back room)  
  
LORELAI: Now wait just a second, Captain Kirk!-hey Rory, Captain Kirk! Take note of that and we'll call Kirk that next time we see him.  
  
LUKE: I see you've set aside this special time to make a fool of yourself in public.  
  
LORELAI: Anyway, Captain, my cohort in crime and I need coffee and if you refuse to give it to us, I will be forced to use my stun gun.  
  
LUKE: I'd like to meet the idiot who would trust you with a stun gun.  
  
LOREALI: He was stunned shortly after he gave it to me. Not by the gun of course, but by the immense beauty and intelligent wit that IS Lorelai Gilmore.  
  
LUKE: Maybe he was just playing dead to get you to leave him alone. Why don't I try that?  
  
LORELAI: Coffee, NOW, mister!  
  
LUKE: No.  
  
LORELAI: Come Rory! We shall take out business elsewhere!  
  
RORY: (quietly) There is no elsewhere.  
  
LORELAI: Shhh he doesn't know that!  
  
RORY: This is Luke. He has lived in Star's Hollow all his life. I think he knows.  
  
LORELAI: Damn, he has called our bluff.  
  
LUKE: You two need medical attention.  
  
LORELAI: What we NEED is coffee and if you don't give us some pronto, YOU'LL be needing medical attention.  
  
LUKE: And just how badly could I be hurt?  
  
RORY: (seriously) Mom's wearing her new spike heel shoes. She got them in four different colors so I don't think she'd grieve too much if she had to throw out a pair because she got your blood on them.  
  
LOREALI: Not only that, but I also watched the Karate Kid movies last night and I have been inspired by Hilary Swank.  
  
RORY: To have scary long hair and seek wisdom from Arnold from Happy Days?  
  
LORELAI: No, to kick some Luke butt!  
  
LUKE: Duly noted. And because I know this is the only way to get you to stop, I will have your coffee out in a few minutes. (JESS comes down the stairs quickly, rubbing his eyes, but stops short when he sees RORY. RORY smiles shyly and stares at her hands. JESS smirks. LORELAI rolls her eyes)  
  
LORELAI: Okay, so we've eliminated the Dean threat, why aren't you over there?  
  
RORY: He still has Shane. And he doesn't know how I feel.  
  
LORELAI: Well tell him Ror! And don't worry about Shane. I got connections.  
  
RORY: You make it sound like we're in the mafia.  
  
LOREALI: You want that I should take her out? By this time tomorrow, cousin Vinny will have her sleeping with the fishes.  
  
RORY: No more Godfather for you. And we do NOT have connections!  
  
LORELAI: Yes we do!  
  
RORY: The closest thing you have to a connection is your cousin Sophia and her husband who live in Italy.  
  
LORELAI: See? CONNECTIONS!  
  
RORY: She came originally from New Brunswick.  
  
LORELAI: A minor detail. (JESS serves RORY and LORELAI two large cups of coffee. RORY blushes and tries to look anywhere but at JESS. JESS keeps a poker face)  
  
LORELAI: Well as entertaining as it is to watch today's episode of "The Young And The Senseless" I've got to get to the Inn.  
  
RORY: Where you can deal with "The Old And Annoying"?  
  
LORELAI: No, I don't think your grandmother will be there.  
  
RORY: Mean! Bye mom. (LOREALI leaves. RORY gets up and goes to the register where JESS is ringing up another customer's total)  
  
JESS: So I heard about you and Taylor Jr.  
  
RORY: What?  
  
JESS: That you and him broke up.  
  
RORY: I'm sure you're really bleeding for me.  
  
JESS: (smirking) I'm crying on the inside and let me tell you, those salt tears aren't too good for my vital organs.  
  
RORY: Nice to know you care.  
  
JESS: Well, you know that if he hurt you I'd be more than happy to beat him up.  
  
RORY: You'd beat him up even if he hadn't hurt me. In fact, you tried to once.  
  
JESS: You do realize that now that you're no longer dating him, you don't have to stand up for him..  
  
RORY: Well, everyone needs someone to stand up for him. Even you.  
  
JESS: Huh. So whom do you have to stand up for you?  
  
RORY: I don't know. Mom, Lane, Sookie, Luke.  
  
JESS: Me.  
  
RORY: -gasp- You'd stand up for me? Careful Jess, your soft side is showing. If Babette sees, she may invite you over to help her paint Tiddly- Pom, her latest gnome.  
  
JESS: Shudder.  
  
RORY: But would you really?  
  
JESS: Paint gnomes with Babette? Yeah, and then I'd wear a cardigan and loafers and get a job at Doose's in order to make the whole "Mr. Rogers- esque good neighbor" thing complete.  
  
RORY: (laughing a little) No, I mean would you really stand up for me?  
  
JESS: Are you saying that you'd do something that required someone standing up for you?  
  
RORY: Maybe. I mean, maybe following my heart would lead me someplace that people wouldn't want me to be.  
  
JESS: But the important thing is, would you want to be there?  
  
RORY: Yes, but I wouldn't want to be there alone. (RORY and JESS stare at each other, both leaning in slightly. At that exact moment SHANE bursts in the door)  
  
SHANE: Jess! C'mon! Let's go! (JESS closes his eyes in anger and RORY huffs in frustration. Both pull back. SHANE is totally oblivious and goes over and pulls JESS in for a kiss. RORY turns around and walks out. JESS pushes SHANE off and watches RORY walk away.)  
  
JESS: Shane, we need to talk.  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~*STAR'S HOLLOW SIDEWALKS- LORELAI and RORY are walking together. "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve is playing*~  
  
LORELAI: So you almost had a Hallmark Presentation moment with Jess?  
  
RORY: I was so close! And then Shane McBimbo comes in and suddenly I'm turning around and running.  
  
LORELAI: Hey! Leave us not for get that we were once known as Trixie McBimbo and her mother, Bambi.  
  
RORY: True. A very short lived alter-ego of ours.  
  
LORELAI: (in a high pitched breathy voice) Hi Trixie! I'm back!  
  
RORY: No! When I said "short lived" I meant, thank god it's over!!  
  
LORELAI: You're no fun.  
  
RORY: Let's go to Luke's. I'm hungry.  
  
LORELAI: You're always hungry.  
  
RORY: Then we no longer need the DNA tests done, I am your daughter.  
  
LORELAI: Right. And as well as receiving my endless stomach genes, you have also seemed to inherit my inability to get a date genes. We must go into guy-scoping mode.  
  
RORY: Why?  
  
LORELAI: Hello? The very important "Stars Hollow New Year's Eve Gala" is coming up VERY quickly and Taylor has made it mandatory that each person have an escort.  
  
RORY: Miss Patty must be excited.  
  
LORELAI: Yes, but this also means that by now, she has no doubt heard about your availability. And so, not only will she try to set me up, but you will be tossed in to her evil matchmaking world as well. So, we must find our own dates. Oooh! Who's that? (LORELAI points to a man with light brown hair and green eyes)  
  
RORY: He's some new guy, his name is-  
  
LORELAI: Hottie McCute? Sexy Von Goodlooking?  
  
RORY: No, it's something like Hilary Franks.  
  
LORELAI: Hilary? Ugh. Why can't people just keep girls' names for girls and guys' names for guys.  
  
RORY: Oh yeah mom, it's common problem here in Stars Hollow. So many times will we hear of an Ashley or an Alex and we won't know whether it's a guy or a girl. Besides, some of the names are kind of nice.  
  
LORELAI: You're only saying that because the guy you like has a girl's name.  
  
RORY: Time for you to be quiet. (LORELAI and RORY reach the diner but stop before going in)  
  
LORELAI: Let's do something wild and wacky in order to get our coffee today!  
  
RORY: As opposed to the times when we are so normal..  
  
LORELAI: Shushie, child of mine. It's never too late for me to sell you to the circus.  
  
RORY: Can it at least be the Cirque Du Soleil?  
  
LORELAI: Perhaps. I might pay money to see you with a silver face.  
  
RORY: Anyway, your wacky plan is..  
  
LORELAI: What if we came in wearing aluminum foil hats and claimed that it was to save us from the aliens reading out minds.  
  
RORY: We might cause Kirk to have a nervous spasm. Remember last time we made a joke about an upcoming alien invasion?  
  
LORELAI: Yeah, it took his mom four hours to get Kirk to come out of his aluminum foil room.  
  
RORY: And he had bought all the canned soup and canned meat from Doose's  
  
LORELAI: But he was willing to come out once he realized he had forgotten a can opener. Okay, so any other wacky ideas?  
  
RORY: I'm too hungry to come up with new ideas.  
  
LORELAI: Slacker! (LORELAI and RORY walk in to the diner and sit at the counter. JESS is fixing the blender with his back turned to the counter. RORY looks a little nervous)  
  
LORELAI: Luke! Lukey Lukey quite contrukey-  
  
LUKE: What the hell does contrukey mean?  
  
LORELAI: I don't know. Give me some coffee and I'll come up with something. (LUKE hands her a mug of coffee)  
  
LORELAI: -gasp- I didn't have to beg you.  
  
LUKE: I just dealt with Miss Patty. I didn't have the strength to deal with you too.  
  
LORELAI: Dirty! But I had a whole argument planned out! It was going to be great! I was even going to bring up Johnny Buffet!  
  
LUKE: Too bad.  
  
LORELAI: And this coffee! It seems to be missing something. It doesn't taste as good now that I haven't' worked for it. (LUKE moves to take the cup back. LORELAI snatches it away and makes a growling noise)  
  
LUKE: Did you just GROWL at me?  
  
RORY: Have you learned nothing after all these years with my mom?  
  
LUKE: I learned that I was stupid not to get out of here when I had the chance. (TAYLOR comes in. LUKE groans under his breath)  
  
TAYLOR: Hello Stars Hollow Citizens! How are you, this fine Thursday evening?  
  
LORELAI: Damn it! Friday comes after Thursday!  
  
JESS: Wow, and you didn't even need Chilton! (LORELAI glares at him)  
  
RORY: What's wrong mom?  
  
LORELAI: FRIDAY! FRIDAY meaning your grandparents! FRIDAY meaning that probably grandma's spies have found out about the dance and therefore it will be mandatory that she find some mind-controlled drone-  
  
RORY: Or one of her friend's sons.  
  
LORELAI: I see no difference between the two. But anyway, she will try and set me up and then when I refuse, the vein right above her left eyebrow will make a special appearance and I will be reminded of the way Michel looks at me when I pretend that I am French!  
  
RORY: Well get to work, missy! I hear Kirk is available..  
  
LORELAI: Evil child! I never again wish to hear you insinuate that I would do anything with Kirk in a romantic sense.  
  
RORY: Or else?  
  
LORELAI: Or else I steal that dress you were going to wear to the Gala and me and Mr. Scissors will have some good times.  
  
RORY: Got it. (LUKE comes over with two cheeseburgers and fries. RORY kicks LORELAI under the table and raises her eyebrows in LUKE'S direction)  
  
LORELAI: (whispering) No!  
  
RORY: Right, so I'll call Miss Patty or grandma and.  
  
LORELAI: (getting up quickly) LUKE!  
  
LUKE: What is it?  
  
LORELAI: Go to the New Year's Eve thing with me!  
  
LUKE: No.  
  
LORELAI: Why not? You can't possibly tell me that you need to stay at the diner because everyone in town will be at the dance and there will be no one for you to serve. And if you're planning on staying home to watch Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy on MTV then someone needs to adjust that cap, because it's on WAY too tight.  
  
LUKE: No.  
  
LORELAI: C'mon! It'll be fun!  
  
TAYLOR: I have to agree with Lorelai here. The theme is Black and White. All the citizens will be wearing black and white and we'll watch a black and white movie. It'll be traditional yet modern.  
  
LUKE: Thanks for the infomercial, but no.  
  
LORELAI: Luke!! You have to go with me! If you don't then I'm going to be forced to go with one of my mother's friend's sons. And you DO NOT want to see me when I get drunk to escape them.  
  
RORY: And I don't want to either!  
  
LUKE: Okay okay, for RORY'S sake, I will go. But Taylor, one word about town spirit to me and I will make sure that you meet half the requirements of the theme by giving you a black eye  
  
TAYLOR: A threat at bodily harm, but fine.  
  
LORELAI: YAY! LUKEY AND ME ARE GOIN'! (Lorelai begins to do a little victory dance)  
  
LUKE: Maybe I do have this cap on too tight. (JESS refills RORY'S coffee cup then sits down across from her)  
  
RORY: Aren't you supposed to be working?  
  
JESS: Well, the only other customers in here are Miss Patty, Kirk, Babette and Maury, and a few tourists. The tourists are set, Kirk can't taste any of his food anyway because of CatKirk, Babette is so wound up about her latest gnome that she doesn't need any coffee, and I'm staying the hell away from Miss Patty.  
  
RORY: A regular night in Stars Hollow.  
  
JESS: So what's the deal with this New Year's thing?  
  
RORY: It starts at about 7:00 and ends at about 11:30 for most of the people.  
  
JESS: Therefore defeating the entire purpose of New Year's.  
  
RORY: Well Taylor gets drunk by about 11 and falls asleep at the podium so Kirk will steal the mike and he'll start telling us about his dysfunctional childhood.  
  
JESS: Interesting.  
  
RORY: Miss Patty tries to find some guy to kiss at midnight and then tries to see how many she can kiss. By then end of the night at least half a dozen guys have a bright red lipstick mark on their cheek.  
  
JESS: I hope you are referring to their face.  
  
RORY: And Bootsie will get smashed by 10:00 and go into his stories about why he should have been a Beatle. Then he starts singing "Hey Jude".  
  
JESS: A Kodak moment.  
  
RORY: And of course, Sookie caters so the food is amazing and it's just a lot of fun. But Taylor decided that this year everyone should have an escort.  
  
JESS: What's Kirk doing?  
  
RORY: He's taking his mother.  
  
JESS: It frightens me to think about what this man's prom was like. (LUKE and LORELAI are fighting in the background about coffee. JESS stares at RORY who is looking at LUKE and LORELAI)  
  
JESS: Let's get out of here.  
  
RORY: What?  
  
JESS: Let's go to the bridge. Well, at least, I'm going. Come if you want. (JESS gets up and goes out the door. RORY looks helplessly at LORELAI who raises her eyebrows and mouths "Be Careful". RORY smiles and runs out the door "Love You Madly" by Cake is playing)  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~* THE BRIDGE- JESS is sitting on the edge with his legs dangling off the side. RORY sits beside him*~  
  
RORY: Nice night out.  
  
JESS: Yeah.  
  
RORY: A little cold though.  
  
JESS: Yep.  
  
RORY: Are you sure you shouldn't be trading your leather jacket in for flannel?  
  
JESS: Why?  
  
RORY: Because you're turning all "monosyllabic Luke" on me, and with the amount of pride you have in your hair, I'm quite surprised you'd want to cover it up with a backwards baseball cap.  
  
JESS: (smirking) Would that make you your mother, then?  
  
RORY: Wow! A whole eight syllables! I'm feeling pretty lucky.  
  
JESS: Averting the question. I've taught you well. So this New Year's Eve thing, is it worth going to?  
  
RORY: It's a pretty big town thing.  
  
JESS: So I should shake the dust of my Stars Hollow town spirit pom poms?  
  
RORY: Oh but Jess, I know you've been using them so much that there's no dust on them anyway.  
  
JESS: You know me too well. (An awkward silence permeates the air. Finally RORY sighs loudly)  
  
RORY: So how's Shane?  
  
JESS: I don't know. I think she's over it.  
  
RORY: Over what?  
  
JESS: Didn't Miss Patty tell you? I thought perhaps the fireworks display and the skywriter was a bit overboard but you know how gossip is in this leafy little hamlet-  
  
RORY: Over what?  
  
JESS: The break-up.  
  
RORY: Oh. I'm sorry.  
  
JESS: Don't be. But I guess that leaves me escort-less for the Gala, so would you like to-  
  
RORY: Yes.  
  
JESS: Do you even know what I was going to ask you?  
  
RORY: To the Gala?  
  
JESS: Maybe I was asking if you wanted to come see "Snow Dogs". Or maybe if you wanted to listen to my new "N*SYNC" album.  
  
RORY: I didn't know you hated me so much.  
  
JESS: So I'll come by at 7:15?  
  
RORY: Why not 7:00?  
  
JESS: Because I know you won't be ready on time.  
  
RORY: You are right. (another awkward silence)  
  
RORY: Well, I better get home. Mom's probably wondering where I am?  
  
JESS: Yeah me too. Taylor's probably trying to supply the riot with pitchforks to come looking for me. (RORY and JESS stand and look at each other)  
  
RORY: (quietly) I'd stand up for you. (they smile at each other. RORY turns around and walks off. JESS watches her, smiling. Cut to RORY grinning.)  
  
::La la la la la la la.la la la la la la..la la::  
  
::ENDING CREDITS:: 


	3. Midnight Magic

A/N: Sorry it took so long. Here's what we've all been waiting for.  
  
~*GILMORE HOUSEHOLD: RORY is asleep on the couch. The TV leaves a floursescent glow on her face. LORELAI opens the door and slams it loudly.*~  
  
LORELAI: I hate dates!  
  
RORY: (waking up) All dates turn into prunes.  
  
LORELAI: Thank you, smart daughter, but this time, I need to talk to sympathetic daughter.  
  
RORY: Okay, she's here. What's up?  
  
LORELAI: So Miss Patty set me up on a date.  
  
RORY: Again?  
  
LORELAI: Yes! The woman is like the female version of Roger Lodge.  
  
RORY: With slightly better hair.  
  
LORELAI: Granted. But still, one of these days, I'm going to get violent.  
  
RORY: So what happened on this date?  
  
LORELAI: Well, he took me to a really nice restaurant and we're talking and he had a very good personality. But then, the food came.  
  
RORY: What happened?  
  
LORELAI: First, he chewed with his mouth open. Ugh! I felt like I had stepped into a scene from Jaws  
  
RORY: Or a close-up of Anna Nicole  
  
LORELAI: Either way, really. But then, he blew his nose in a napkin.  
  
RORY: Gross!  
  
LORELAI: Yes, it was awful! And then, he spent a little TOO long looking at it.  
  
RORY: Ewww! I don't want to hear anymore!  
  
LORELAI: You have to hear the rest; you're being the sympathetic daughter.  
  
RORY: Bah. Fine, continue.  
  
LORELAI: Well, at the end of the night he asked me if I would like to go out again sometime. SOMETIME! I hate it when guys do that. I mean, if they would only say "Would you like to go out again next Friday?" then I could properly say "No, go away." But when they say sometime, you can't just say "I'm busy. For forever."  
  
RORY: True. So what are your plans?  
  
LORELAI: I told him I'm sorry but I just got out of a very complicated relationship and that I needed time to nurse my wounds.  
  
RORY: Or get a restraining order  
  
LORELAI: All in all, this night needs coffee.  
  
RORY: Doesn't every night need coffee?  
  
LORELAI: Finally! I am confident that my child is a real smartie.  
  
RORY: You will be receiving your Nobel Prize in 6-8 weeks.  
  
LORELAI: Now, enough talk-time for coffee.  
  
::OPENING CREDITS::  
  
~*LUKE'S DINER- KIRK is sitting at the counter reading "Cat Fancy" with a large bandage on his forehead. LUKE is serving coffee to BOOTSIE. RORY and LORELAI enter*~  
  
LORELAI: Hello Kirk.  
  
KIRK: Lorelai.  
  
LORELAI: How's Kirk doing?  
  
KIRK: I'm fine, how's Lorelai?  
  
RORY: She means CatKirk.  
  
KIRK: Oh, well he is fine. Mother suggested having him declawed.  
  
LORELAI: I think that would be a good option.  
  
KIRK: Only I think he heard her so he has been more forceful. Almost seeming to know that his time with his claws is limited so he's getting in as much scratching time as possible. (KIRK reveals more of his more of his latest bandages)  
  
RORY: We can tell.  
  
KIRK: He's like some evil entity. He seems to live for my blood, feeding off of it like a-  
  
LORELAI: TV executive?  
  
KIRK: Well, I was going to say vampire, but your humorous analogy momentarily took my mind off the pain.  
  
RORY: You were laughing on the inside.  
  
KIRK: Yes, now if you'll excuse me, I'm just finishing an article on what to do when your cat starts marking its territory.  
  
LORELAI: Has CatKirk begun yet?  
  
KIRK: Yes, I had to take three showers this morning. (LORELAI and RORY move away quickly and sit at an open table. LUKE comes over)  
  
LUKE: What will you further move yourselves to the grave with today?  
  
LORELAI: Why Lucas, you make it sound like we are about to order junk food! What would you say if we both ordered waters and salads?  
  
LUKE: "Look out for those flying pigs."  
  
LORELAI: Mean!  
  
RORY: Two orders of chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and four coffees.  
  
LORELAI: And lots of syrup!  
  
LUKE: So I'll just call your dentist now and save you the hassle.  
  
LORELAI: Silly! We don't go to the dentist. (LUKE walks off. JESS comes in from the back and smiles slightly at the sight of RORY.)  
  
LORELAI: So are we all set for tonight?  
  
RORY: I've got my dress, shoes, make-up, and plenty of music which I borrowed from Lane for us to listen to while we get ready.  
  
LORELAI: Is MamaKim letting Lane go to this party?  
  
RORY: For a while. She approves of the subdued colors but it worried about the heathen rituals that may occur.  
  
LORELAI: Because we always have to talk Taylor out of the virgin sacrifices.  
  
RORY: Or something like that.  
  
LORELAI: Does Lane have a secret rendezvous set up with Dave?  
  
RORY: I think so. I believe the plan is that Lane is going to stay over at our house and when her mother goes home, Dave will "magically appear" and they can have their little date.  
  
LORELAI: Excellent. And all I need is to choose between the two dresses I have and then I'm ready to go to the party.  
  
RORY: Two dresses?  
  
LORELAI: Yes. I was lucky to get it down to two. You know me; usually I'm modeling at least seven or eight dresses.  
  
RORY: Then again, your idea of modeling involves you lining up the hall with fans so you can have the wind blowing in your hair while you pout your lips and keep a look of condescension on your face as you walk down the "catwalk".  
  
LORELAI: All the while, balancing in high heels!  
  
RORY: I'll alert the Olympics officials that they forgot a sport. (LUKE returns with the food)  
  
LORELAI: So Luke, what time are you picking me up?  
  
LUKE: Lorelai, you have asked me this several hundred times already today.  
  
LORELAI: You could have been knocked over the head with a two by four! You could have gotten amnesia and think you are Taylor! Tell me, do you feel any weird urges to wear a sweater vest?  
  
LUKE: No, but I do have the urge to question my own sanity for agreeing to go to this thing with you.  
  
LORELAI: Oh you know you wanted to, Butch. You just were too blinded and awed by my beauty. (LORELAI bats her eyelashes. LUKE groans and rolls his eyes)  
  
LUKE: I'll be there at 7:00  
  
LORELAI: The event starts at 7:00  
  
LUKE: But you won't be ready until then.  
  
LORELAI: You know me too well.  
  
LUKE: I know. And that scares me. (Meanwhile, RORY and JESS have been sneaking glances at each other. Finally RORY goes up to the counter, where JESS is "fixing" the blender)  
  
RORY: Hi.  
  
JESS: Hey. You all set for tonight?  
  
RORY: Yep. So I guess you're coming over with Luke?  
  
JESS: Yep. I assume you have the same preparation tendencies as your mother.  
  
RORY: It's in the genes. And you've got a tux for this thing?  
  
JESS: Actually, I'm just going to take a white shirt and draw a tuxedo on the front. By the way, I think Luke has somehow managed to find a formal baseball cap and a black and white flannel bow tie.  
  
RORY: If only his Star Trek shirt was black and white. Then he'd be all set.  
  
JESS: Well now, I guess some good Samaritan will have to find him just such a shirt and embarrass him publicly when she gives it to him as some "harmless and platonic gift" when we all know that the romantic subtext is there.  
  
RORY: And the fact that they are in love is so obvious to everyone except to them and they will continue to lie and say they are just friends until one of them is finally hit upside the head with a clue and they realize how perfect they are for each other.  
  
JESS: Basically.  
  
RORY: You seem to have picked up on the drama of Stars Hollow fairly quickly.  
  
JESS: What can I say? There's not much else to do.  
  
RORY: So you'll be there at 7:00  
  
JESS: I'll be there (RORY and JESS smile at each other as plays the la's play softly)  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~*GILMORE HOUSEHOLD-RORY is seated at her vanity, with a strapless white dress with a full skirt hanging on her closet door. Her hair is up in curlers and she is applying make-up. LORELAI bursts through the door. "I Think I Love You" by Less Than Jake is playing)  
  
LORELAI: Rory! Which one? (She holds up a sleeveless red dress and a lavender spaghetti strapped ball gown)  
  
RORY: Um, mother, the theme is black and white.  
  
LORELAI: Yes, but think about it. A sea of black and white and ME, standing out in red!  
  
RORY: You never know. Taylor could make you take it off.  
  
LORELAI: Dirty! As long as he has the proper musical accompaniment and he promises to respect me in the morning.  
  
RORY: STOP! That's too much for my young ears. I think I just got emotionally scarred.  
  
LORELAI: Please! I've said and done far worse. If you were going to be emotionally scarred, it would have happened already. Now PICK A DRESS!  
  
RORY: The black one.  
  
LORELAI: That wasn't an option!  
  
RORY: Mom, you KNOW that you look your best in that long black dress with the V-neck top!  
  
LORELAI: I do don't I? (LORELAI leaves the room and returns shortly with a black dress. She goes in to RORY's bathroom and closes the door)  
  
RORY: (shouting through the door) I also know that you want for everything to be perfect for your first date with Luke.  
  
LORELAI: This is not a date!  
  
RORY: Mom, define a date.  
  
LORELAI: A date is a pre-planned course of action with someone of the opposite sex that involves food, and extra-effort on your part to get ready and new shoes.  
  
RORY: So?  
  
LORELAI: Oh hell, it is a date. (LORELAI comes out of the bathroom. RORY grins and grabs her dress before going into the bathroom.)  
  
LORELAI: So what about Jess?  
  
RORY: What about him?  
  
LORELAI: You bought new shoes.  
  
RORY: I always buy new shoes. That's one of the things you taught me.  
  
LORELAI: True.  
  
RORY: But I don't know.  
  
LORELAI: Do you hope it's a date? (RORY comes out of the bathroom. Her white dress comes just below her knees and is sparkling almost as much as her eyes)  
  
RORY: Yeah.  
  
LORELAI: Well, the Gilmore girls are stepping out! We both look gorgeous and we're properly caffeinated! Let's do it!  
  
RORY: We kind of need our dates. (A loud mooing is heard)  
  
RORY: Mom, why am I hearing a cow?  
  
LORELAI: Because I've been slipping hallucinogens into your coffee?  
  
RORY: Mom! You desecrated the sweet elixir of life? How could you?  
  
LOREALI: You're right, I didn't. But it made you question my sanity.  
  
RORY: Not for the first time.  
  
LORELAI: I installed a new doorbell.  
  
RORY: And it moos?  
  
LORELAI: Would you rather that it played the Brady Bunch theme song?  
  
RORY: Mooing is good.  
  
LORELAI: Are you ready?  
  
RORY: Let's do it! (LORELAI and RORY link arms and walk down the stairs)  
  
::COMMERCIALS:: ~*GILMORE HOUSEHOLD-LORELAI runs to open the door. RORY is in the background, fiddling with her dress nervously. LORELAI opens the door to LUKE and JESS. Both are in tuxes.*~  
  
LORELAI: Rory! Who are these James-Bond-like men on our front step? Certainly not Luke and Jess! I see no condescending smirks or baseball caps!  
  
LUKE: Lorelai, shut up.  
  
LORELAI: No wait, it's Luke. ~*JESS smiles at RORY who blushes slightly and smiles back*~  
  
LUKE: Well, we're officially late, are you ready to go?  
  
LORELAI: What, no corsages?  
  
LUKE: After forcing me to go to this stupid thing, you expect me to buy you something?  
  
LORELAI: Yes.  
  
LUKE: You actually wanted me to handle something with a sharp pin, even though I'm mad at you?  
  
LORELAI: Yes.  
  
LUKE: You're insane.  
  
LORELAI: The compliments come early. Rory, lock the door please!  
  
RORY: Mom, where do we live?  
  
LORELAI: Right, close the door behind you. ~*LORELAI and LUKE exit. RORY and JESS stand on the porch in an awkward silence*~  
  
JESS: So, you ready to go?  
  
RORY: I guess so. (They walk down the steps, a scene of them walking through the yard. Just as the camera is almost faded out: )  
  
JESS: You look really nice.  
  
~*THE GALA (THE TOWN SQUARE): The gazebo is covered in icicle lights and white lights hang from the trees. The slightest remnants of snow have been cleared to the side to put up an immense dance floor which is lined by lights. TAYLOR is up at a podium speaking into a megaphone. *~  
  
RORY: Miss Patty and Babette have already chosen their view points.  
  
LORELAI: My god, what time do they get here?  
  
LUKE: Probably on time.  
  
LORELAI: That's cheating!  
  
JESS: What are you talking about?  
  
RORY: Miss Patty and Babette usually find a spot where they can see everyone so that way, if there's ANY guy who isn't dancing or whose date has momentarily left him, they can pounce.  
  
JESS: Isn't Babette married?  
  
LORELAI: Maury has a cold. And Babette isn't missing out for anything. I believe that they actually had the phrase "in sickness and in health, unless it's a gala, in which case you're on your own" incorporated into their wedding vows.  
  
LUKE: They should both lay off the cold medication. (TAYLOR enters)  
  
TAYLOR: Hello hello! How are you all tonight?  
  
LUKE: I'm wearing a tux, how do you think I am?  
  
LORELAI: Who's playing the music?  
  
TAYLOR: Mr. Anderwell was kind enough to have some of his friends come in from the city to play for us.  
  
JESS: Wow, a real band. All the way in from the city. If only Ethel Mae Jean didn't have to stay home with the pigs tonight, she'd be real proud of our little gatherin'.  
  
TAYLOR: You, young man, have no respect for your elders.  
  
JESS: Not my fault if they don't deserve my respect.  
  
TAYLOR: Why you-  
  
RORY: Um Taylor, I think Kirk may be trying to make a break for your bullhorn.  
  
TAYLOR: What? KIRK! KIRK! You leave my bullhorn alone! Give me back my megaphone! (TAYLOR exits)  
  
LORELAI: The soul of the unknown cheerleader whose cheers were never quite loud enough.  
  
RORY: Sad.  
  
LUKE: Okay, I'm going to go get some food. I feel like I should have a leash or something to keep you two where you are and keep you out of trouble.  
  
LORELAI: Dirty! (LUKE rolls his eyes. LORELAI shrugs and goes after him)  
  
RORY: So what do you think?  
  
JESS: At this point, I'm not sure if anything in this town can really faze me.  
  
RORY: Not even Miss Patty asking you to dance?  
  
JESS: I said faze, not send me to the mental ward.  
  
RORY: Just don't let her find you alone.  
  
JESS: So I should start calling you my Siamese twin?  
  
RORY: As Long as you're not making analogies between us and the Olsen twins, we're safe.  
  
JESS: There's So Little Time to make cracks, but I've got a Full House of them.  
  
RORY: Now that was just sad.  
  
JESS: I know. Sorry. (The band starts playing a slower song. RORY and JESS look at each other awkwardly.)  
  
JESS: I can't dance.  
  
RORY: Technically, the idea of slow dancing is just shifting from one foot to the other in the same spot  
  
JESS: I'd probably still have trouble.  
  
RORY: Too cool to dance?  
  
JESS: That's it. I'm so cool.  
  
RORY: All you need is a martini and you're practically Pierce Brosnan.  
  
JESS: Would that make you Halle Berry?  
  
RORY: Sure. But then we would have to have a really bad Madonna song playing in the background.  
  
JESS: With so much digital enhancing that you can't even tell if she's actually singing or just has a speech impediment.  
  
RORY: I vote for both. (another awkward silence ensues. JESS looks at RORY.)  
  
JESS: Do you really want to dance?  
  
RORY: Well, um. (JESS takes her hand and leads RORY out onto the dance floor. As they dance RORY smiles slightly and JESS pulls her closer).  
  
LORELAI: Luke! Let's dance!  
  
LUKE: No.  
  
LORELAI: Why not?  
  
LUKE: I won't dance.  
  
LORELAI: Can't or won't?  
  
LUKE: Both.  
  
LORELAI: Why is it that guys never want to dance?  
  
LUKE: Why do girls always go to the bathroom in pairs?  
  
LORELAI: I can't tell you that! It's one of the divine secrets of the Ya Ya sisterhood!  
  
LUKE: Then I'm not going to tell you.  
  
LORELAI: Mean! C'mon Luke! Don't make me go ask Kirk to dance, therefore leaving you defenseless against Miss Patty.  
  
LUKE: Lorelai  
  
LORELAI: (trying to sound like Miss Patty) Oh Lukey poo! Let's dance! I want to grab your ass..  
  
LUKE: Fine. Let's get this over with.  
  
LORELAI: Wheee! (LUKE and LORELAI go out on the dance floor. LUKE awkwardly holds LORELAI who rolls her eyes and places his hands in the usual position for slow dancing. LUKE seems a little embarrassed. But soon seems to be comfortable. Just as the camera is fading out: )  
  
LORELAI: Thanks.  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~*THE GALA- A large clock shows that it is 11:50. RORY and JESS are seated in the gazebo. RORY is laughing softly and pointing to certain people. JESS has his arm draped lazily around the railing at RORY's back.*~  
  
RORY: Ten minutes left.  
  
JESS: I don't know how much more I can take of Ned and Elsie's singing.  
  
RORY: Oh come on! I bet you never knew that there was a hip hop version of Crimson and Clover  
  
JESS: Nor did I ever wish to know.  
  
RORY: And are you telling me that you do not like Kirk's humorous childhood anecdotes?  
  
JESS: I don't think they were intended to be humorous.  
  
RORY: True.  
  
JESS: And I never knew so many traumas could be inflicted by Barbie dolls and Easy Bake Ovens.  
  
RORY: It does explain why he won't ever make cookies and why he hates the color pink.  
  
JESS: I don't know about you, but I don't even want to be anywhere near Miss Patty at midnight.  
  
RORY: Well, I think the bus station is closed.  
  
JESS: I'm going down to the lake. Coming?  
  
RORY: Sure. (RORY and JESS go down the gazebo steps, just as they are leaving DEAN bumps into RORY)  
  
DEAN: Sorry, I- Rory?  
  
RORY: Hi Dean.  
  
DEAN: Hey Rory, how are you?  
  
RORY: (nervously) I'm.fine. (DEAN notices JESS and his expression changes)  
  
DEAN: Is this your date? This punk is your date?  
  
JESS: Why does everyone in this town keep calling me that? One of these days, I will buy you people a thesaurus.  
  
DEAN: Because we try and refrain from using foul language, though it might be appropriate when describing you.  
  
JESS: Really? And where did a boy scout like you learn such language? From the bathroom walls?  
  
DEAN: Yeah, there was plenty of stuff about you up there.  
  
JESS: Who read it to you? (DEAN starts moving towards JESS menacingly. JESS steps in front of RORY to protect her)  
  
RORY: Stop it! Dean! Leave Jess alone!  
  
DEAN: That's nice, Mariano. You got your new girlfriend standing up for you. Well Rory, are you happy now? Happy with this piece of trash? Happy with the guy who'll be in prison before you're in Harvard?  
  
RORY: Dean! Stop it!  
  
JESS: Shove it Dean, before I really get mad.  
  
DEAN: What are you gonna do? Break my wrist? No wait, you only do that to people you like. Rory, you're making a huge mistake.  
  
JESS: You leave Rory out of this.  
  
DEAN: Why? Rory, you ripped my heart out! You ripped my heart out when I saw the way you looked at Jess. When I saw the way you looked at him with that look that you never even gave me, THE GUY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE! You loved him from the start. Why should I keep you from the pain? He doesn't love you! He just wants to sleep with you then he'll be gone faster than you can say "Shane". And it won't do you any good to come crying to me when you're a teen mom just like your mother. Living out on the streets and-  
  
(LORELAI comes over and slaps DEAN across the face)  
  
LORELAI: Don't you EVER talk to my daughter like that again!! Or I swear in the name of coffee that I will kill you.  
  
LUKE: And don't think that I don't have a bat at my diner and that I haven't got a damn good swing.  
  
DEAN: (getting ready to go) You'll be sorry Rory. Real sorry! (RORY is on the verge of tears. JESS grabs her hand and they run off. DEAN storms away. The Gala is quiet after this outburst. LUKE takes LORELAI by the shoulders and leads her towards the diner. After another few moments, a drunken Bootsie is heard singing "I Wanna Hold Your Hand")  
  
::COMMERCIALS::  
  
~* THE BRIDGE: RORY is seated nest to JESS. The air is silent except for the gentle lapping of waves against the bridge.*~  
  
JESS: I'm sorry.  
  
RORY: For what?  
  
JESS: I'm sure my comments didn't help calm Dean down.  
  
RORY: Since when have you wanted to calm Dean down?  
  
JESS: Granted, I do get a kind of weird pleasure out of seeing just how many shades of red I can make his face go and just how white his knuckles can be, I always expect for him to take it out on me. Never on you.  
  
RORY: I guess it was just too soon.  
  
JESS: No, Dean's a big boy. There's no excuse for how he treated you.  
  
RORY: (almost whispering) But he was right.  
  
JESS: About what?  
  
RORY: About me..and you. (JESS is quiet. RORY looks at him expectantly for a few seconds then stares back at the water)  
  
RORY: You don't have to be here. In fact, I'd really like to be left alone.  
  
JESS: He was wrong about one thing though.  
  
RORY: No, he seemed to be pretty dead on.  
  
JESS: He was wrong about me. I do care about you. (JESS takes RORY's hand hesitantly. RORY looks at him and smiles. As they begin to lead in, a muffled countdown begins in the distance "10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2." At the shout of one, RORY and JESS kiss. Fireworks light up the sky over head. RORY and JESS kiss through the first refrain of Auld Lang Syne. CUT to Mr. Anderwell giving his band the thumbs up to start a new song. "First Kiss" By The Aquatones as the camera returns to JESS and RORY kissing on the bridge.)  
  
~* THE DINER: LORELAI is seated at the counter while LUKE pours her a cup of coffee*~  
  
LORELAI: I could have killed him  
  
LUKE: You should have killed him.  
  
LORELAI: I have a child to raise.  
  
LUKE: You mean you have a child to raise you. And if the police knew Rory and heard what he said, they'd consider it justifiable homicide.  
  
LORELAI: No more Law and Order for you. Though I could use you as my flannel clad attorney.  
  
LUKE: I'm busy that day.  
  
LORELAI: I didn't even tell you when we'd be in court.  
  
LUKE: Trust me, I'll be busy that day.  
  
(After a moment's pause) LORELAI: I can't believe him.  
  
LUKE: He's a screwed-up kid.  
  
LORELAI: But Rory was good, she didn't cry.  
  
LUKE: (Not looking up) She had Jess to protect her.  
  
LORELAI: What?  
  
LUKE: Oh come on Lorelai! The boy stood right in front of her.  
  
LORELAI: Maybe he's a masochist and he likes pain?  
  
LUKE: Lorelai, Jess stood up for her.  
  
LORELAI: (smiling slightly) He did, didn't he?  
  
LUKE: (smiling a little as well) Yeah.  
  
LORELAI: You did well with him.  
  
LUKE: Yeah well.  
  
LORELAI: Seriously. You did.  
  
LUKE: Hey, you missed the countdown to midnight thing.  
  
LORELAI: Damn I didn't get to kiss anyone at midnight. (LORELAI smiles suddenly and starts batting her eyelashes at LUKE)  
  
LUKE: Oh no. No. No. It's not even midnight.  
  
LORELAI: Come on Luke. One kiss. Then I'll find Rory and go home.  
  
LUKE: Do you swear off coffee?  
  
LORELAI: It's one of my resolutions.  
  
LUKE: No Lorelai.  
  
LORELAI: Please...  
  
LUKE: Fine, one kiss. Then you go home.  
  
LORELAI: YAY! (LORELAI leans in with her eyes closed. LUKE stares for a second and then takes a deep breathe. LUKE tries to pull away after a second put he finds himself still kissing LORELAI. He isn't complaining. After a few minutes of a heated kiss. LORELAI pulls back.)  
  
LORELAI: (blushing) Uh.  
  
LUKE: (blushing as well) I.uh.  
  
LORELAI: Um..  
  
LUKE: Oh for god's sake. (LUKE grabs LORELAI and kisses her again. She kisses back.)  
  
La la la la lala la..la la la lala la.la la  
  
::CREDITS:: 


End file.
